Dear friends,

I wanted to teach you a handy comeback that is usually used in the Caribbean Latino community, from my experience. Anytime someone says something fucked up to you, you say something back and then add “¿en qué quedamos?” Here is an example:

Her: Tu eres una fucking bitch!

You: …and you are a puta so ¿en qué quedamos?

¿en qué quedamos? means “where does that leave us.” Think of it as the American, “and what?”

That’s all, carry on.

I moved to LA in September of last year and it has definitely taken some time to get used to. Talk about culture shock! I have always been around a lot of culture or so I thought. Being Afro-Latina, I was always comfortable in my surroundings as most of my friends were from the African Diaspora and mostly Latino. I never knew many Mexicans. Everyday I am learning more and more about their culture. When I first moved I thought, hey we are all Latino and share a language, there has to be common ground somewhere… right?  WRONG. Today I said something and laughed because I am fucking nut. At dinner, in a Korean tofu restaurant, with Mexican friends I talked about wanting to have a balcony or a porch. When I moved here I just took any old apartment I saw on Craigslist and moved in sight unseen. A great cozy (read: tiny) place in Koreatown. I told my friends that

although there is no balcony, there is a courtyard. When asked if I ever hang out in the courtyard I said “hell no, it is like fucking Mariachi Plaza out there. Music blaring and kinds running around and shit.”  I laugh now because  think, what must Mexicans feel 

is like fucking merengue mania out there,” describing the rest the same way I did. There is so much to learn here and so much culture to absorb. I am totally up for the challenge. I will keep you updated on my progress.

When people write “oye” but really mean “oy” as in “oy vey“, it grinds my gears. I get it, you are not Jewish, don’t speak Yiddish and you think it is cute, but get it right for fuck sake. OY!  

Last night at karaoke I decided to do El Tiburon by Proyecto Uno.

It is an oldy but goody so I tweet this:

and then I get back this:

My night was complete… Well after Vee sang this it was…

WATCH!

Taking a Stand.

Dear HARIBO Happy Cola,

I love you. Will you marry me? You are in fact the nastiest candy in the universe but I am addicted to you. You are supposed to taste like cola but taste like lemonade… I love you.

XOXO

I am going to create a series of posts that highlight me, Breaking Bourgie. Living in a city like DC becoming a buppie or being bourgie seems  inevitable. Lately I have found myself turning my nose up at certain things that would not have bothered me before I moved here. I am coming to terms with the fact that I am becoming a snob. I went home to visit during the Labor Day holiday and was faced with this fact twice. A guy from home that is interested in me and is a distinguished educator, freedom fighter, granola-ass dreadhead dude asked me not to “DC” him. I was taken aback by this statement.

According to him: To “DC” someone is to engage them in superficial conversation where you really do not give a fuck about what they answer. You just want to acquire information (what they do for living, where they live, what school did they go to and for what, sneakily find out their socioeconomic status) to see if this person is worth talking to.

 

I didn’t believe I was doing it and told him. He the recounted everything I had asked and said to him. I gasped and made this O_o face. He was right. So that night we went out for drinks and I had the same convos with people at the lounge and caught myself. Grrr… I am becoming a bourgie-ass BATCH! I kinda likey but I know that isn’t me. FUCK FUCK FUCK. So this series will be about me Break Bourgie, deflating my head, keeping it “real”… whatever that means!

I am also thinking about just saying I am snobbish but not bourgie. That makes me feel a little better.

Wish me luck!